43 weeks.

That is how long it has been since I was last emerged in considerable silence. That is how long my life has been continuously been filled with voices. Little people voices, big people voices, the voice inside my head, and others.

School let out last Wednesday, and Friday was my last day of work. On Sunday, before the sun rose, we took off to California. Brandon has training in San Jose and I came along for the ride. There were moments when I doubted that I would be able to fill the time and not get lonely. Well, tomorrow is the last day, and it has been wonderful. I’ve slept, walked, shopped, read books, watched TV, browsed the internet, dreamed, and mostly spent ample time with Jesus.

Honestly, it took me a few days to stretch out my “quiet times” and really spend time with the Lord. For the past year, I’ve been squeezing my time in the Word into 15-minute (max) windows. When 15 minutes is up, I begin to fret about “all of the other things that I need to do.”

If I think ahead to next school year, I already begin to worry about losing my time with Jesus. It is hard. But that is not a worry for today.

Today, He is drawing me closer to him. Today is a beautiful day that He made. Today, I can hear Him reminding me of His love–His love that does not waver with my lack of faithfulness.

After a year of teaching, I have developed an ENORMOUS appreciation for silence. Most days I cannot even bare to listen to the radio on my 30-minute drive home. If you are a teacher, you understand. There is too much chaos from the day already ringing in my head.

I’m sure there will be many reflections to come regarding my first year of teaching, but for now I will leave you here…

There was no way for me to anticipate the stress, busyness and chaos that a full-time job would bring. There was no gentle way to ease into the change of pace. There was nobody that could adequately warn me about the havoc it could wreak on me personally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Although it has been difficult, it has been a joy to be able to hold onto the One who never changes through all the ups and downs.

People have been asking the question, and now I know.  There is just one thing on my to-do list for this summer: seize the silence. I want to run passionately towards the throne of grace. I want to listen to the waves and feel like a tiny speck. I want to gaze into the heavens and think about how God knows me infinitely. I want to rest in knowing that the God who created the universe is the same God that chose to love me. And I don’t want to do these things because I need to “make up for lost time” or because I feel guilty.

I want to chase Jesus because Jesus is beautiful. There is no greater race.

“Be still and know that I am God.”    (Psalm 46:10)