Confession: I spent today completely overwhelmed. Distracting thoughts swirled in my head all day long, but the ride home (a 30-minute commute) was the most tumultuous. As I drove home, I worried about the following things:
- school tomorrow
- school Friday
- a presentation next week
- where I will be in 5 years
- where I will be in 30 years
- will I use my gifts in a “significant” way?
HAHA (I laugh now). Then, conviction. Why are you worrying about tomorrow? SHOOT. Not again.
Fear and anxiety are not from the Lord. They are a direct result of my universe being all about me. This week, I have been totally self-absorbed. I have gotten frustrated to the point of anger when the smallest things are out of my control. (And, good grief, everything is.) I had zero patience today with my class that is talkative due to a high level of energy and excitement. While I feel as though everything is swirling out of control, I am grabbing too desperately at things I perceive to be in my control. It is impossible to love the people around you when you are freaking out about yourself.
Fortunately, God is the God of tomorrow. NOT ME. I have no clue what is going to happen tomorrow, much less 30 years from now. The Bible blatantly commands: Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6:34)
A few days ago, my fish was trying to attack a gnat outside of its bowl. I giggled to myself and thought, “Haha, this must be what it looks like to worry about tomorrow.”
Today, God has reminded me that His ways and thoughts are higher. And He has challenged me to embrace my lack of control, knowing that He holds me in His arms.
Her Highest Calling 