“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 1 Corinthians 4:16-18

Phew! It feels like the newborn fog has lifted and I can make time for things other than naps and cleaning. So here we go…

~~We finally have an update on N!~~
Her mom’s TPR appeal will be reviewed in December and we are supposed to hear something in January. If the decision is not overturned, we will be able to start the adoption process. 🙂

Anytime we get news regarding our baby N, it affects us. It’s a reminder that she is actually not ours. It’s a reminder that the future is uncertain. But to me, this time, it is a reminder to not take any day with her for granted. And, more generally, it reminds me to worship God for the life He has given me as well as the lives He has placed in our care.

Many of you know that I get a little sentimental around my birthday. I’ve written many times before about my parent’s 10-year struggle with infertility. After my own first pregnancy and birth experience, I am even more convinced of what I already knew. LIFE is a MIRACLE. Each and every beating heart is created by the Most High God. We take this for granted. We even go as far as to think the creating is up to us. What a joke!! I can’t will a baby into existence! I can’t form skin cells and blood cells with my own two hands! There is only one Maker, Creator, and Sustainer.

Staying at home has been a true test of my values. Guys. I like to GET. THINGS. DONE. And, I quickly realized that it would be devastating for me to determine the quality of my day by the accomplishments on my to-do list. I also like to be self-sufficient. Well, that is just out the window. I NEED HELP. Have y’all done the enneagram test? I’m “the perfectionist”. HA. I’m currently writing this in a house with spit-up on the floor and food on the walls. OH WELL.

“Oh well” because God, in His goodness, calls us to look elsewhere. To things unseen. He tells me to look past the messiness, the stinkiness, and the many imperfections so that I can see Him. His glory and His goodness surround me. Two of His most beautiful creations look up at me all day long. They are watching to see where I set my eyes. They are trying to figure out what gives me joy, to determine what I love the most. What a tragedy it will be if I let the cleanliness of my house or the amount of sleep I get determine my joy. They are watching.

Sometimes it feels like what I once knew to be “life” is wasting away. Things like my free time, my occupation, my appearance. But one of my friends told me that the Lord was going to work mightily in my heart during this season. And He is. He is so near.

Without remembering His grace–the grace extended to me in Christ covering my sin–I cannot extend grace to my kids. Without reminding myself of His eternal Kingdom, I grow frustrated as I try to build my own. Without surrendering to the Holy Spirit, and choosing to depend on Him, I arrogantly go about my day trying to look like a super mom only to end up devastated by misbehaviors and mistakes.

In the life God has given me, both physically and spiritually, I have already tasted His goodness. He didn’t have to make me and He certainly didn’t have to rescue me in my rebellion against Him. So, the lengthy court processes, sleepless nights, temper tantrums and countless diapers, those things can’t steal my joy. My eyes are looking elsewhere. And He is giving me what I need. Day by day.