Today I was listening to a podcast and the speaker shared about quitting a very successful job after realizing he was overcommitted and unable to be available to the people he cared about most. He spoke about how relationships and priorities come and go as the years pass in accordance with God’s perfect plan. He spoke about our limited human capabilities and how life is best lived within boundaries. Then he said something that was simple yet profound to me. He said that he wanted to be available to those he loved because that is what God has done for us.

This really struck me. God has made himself available to us. Infinitely available to us. Infinitely available to ME.

The depth of the sweetness of this truth today helped me realize that I often feel hurt by people I love most when I don’t feel heard. One of my pet peeves, in fact, is my husband looking at his phone while I am trying to talk to him! He generally listens very well to my endless banter, and I am so thankful for that, but my tendency to be hurt by his inattentiveness reveals my deep soul-longing for availability.

Additionally, during this lonely season of quarantine, I have been even more easily hurt in this area, but God has been so much more near. And today He’s begging me to lean into His nearness.

If you’re at all familiar with scripture, you can probably think of several occurrences of the following phrases: I sought the Lord and He answered me, I cried out to the Lord and He heard me. This appears over and over and over again. Tonight it is crystal clear to me that my heart was designed to walk with an infinite God who is infinitely available. And when I seek infinite availability in others, I only experience disappointment. Psalm 34:9 says The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry.

Wow. Thank you, Lord, that you have met my heart’s desire with your perfect, everlasting character. Thank you for sending Jesus to be punished for my sin so that I can have access to you. Thank you for wanting to be infinitely available to a small, fragile sinner like me. Would you give me grace to be available to those that you given to me as friends and family, and would it be a small, dim picture of your great, glorious love. Amen.