“Whenever God slew them, they would seek him; they eagerly turned to him again.” –Psalm 78:34

Why do you seek God?

This is the question I am asking myself this morning. It is a daunting one.

In reflecting on the above verse in “The Songs of Jesus”, Tim Keller comments that many times “morality is based on deep selfishness.”

Oh my. This is too true of my faith.

If you asked me about the times that I have sought God most fervently, the answer is during times of pain. I want God the most when I am hurting and just want the hurt to go away. Many days, I treat Him like an infinite Band-aid. Without a cut or wound, I have little need for Him. However, I do want Him sitting on a shelf, ready to act at a moment’s notice.

Now, don’t get me wrong. God is the ultimate Healer, Comforter and Physician. I believe He made every cell in my body, and He commands all of its function. But He is so much more than this! And He desires that I know Him as more. He is Father, Friend, Counselor, Teacher, Truth, Life-giver, King of Kings, and that is only scratching the surface. The Holy Spirit dwells inside of me every day (not only in my pain!) in order that I might know Him and make much of Him.

Unfortunate for my selfish heart, this God that I want to make me more comfortable has purposed me for a life of discomfort. “Then Jesus told his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.'” (Matthew 16:25)

God, teach me to desire all of you and not just part of you–the part I want for myself. Thank you for loving me despite my selfish heart. I am amazed at your unending grace.